Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Am I moving....

I have at least 5 posts sitting in drafts, waiting patiently for my attention, not including the one I began this morning after a time of prayer and worship, that I got so frustrated with I just hit the delete button.  I feel as if I am riding on an escalator.  I'm moving yet I'm not.  Everything is going by me but I'm not active in the process.  My feet seem to be stuck, besides what is the right way to ride an escalator?  Do you continue to move once you're on it or do you rest and let it carry you?  

And the word "force" comes to mind.  

This is not at all where I thought I was going.  And I now feel something breaking in me.  I know God is behind this because once again my cheeks feel the evidence of a flood that can not be dammed.  Thoughts rush my mind, hurling explanations.  But in a flash, I feel a wall, a barrier of sorts spring up.  It's the same feeling that I had this morning, the same feeling that continues to hold those other 5 posts hostage.

Something keeps messing with my connection.  I keep trying to put into words how God is revealing things to me and my mind just stops working.  My thoughts are fleeting and fingers keep pausing mid sentence.  

I'm frustrated again but me an anxiety don't get along.  It is uninvited and will not be made to feel welcome within me, Christ's home.  

I'm not going to wrestle with the enemy and give up my peace, instead I'm off to do the dishes and put my self to bed.  

I will try again tomorrow.

Why force what is already in motion? Kinda like that escalator, right?

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