Make perfect your strength in me....

Defeated......laying low and loathing the sound of my own voice. That is the dark corner I often find myself backed into. Struggling with lies and illustreatous illusions. How strings of insecurities and chords of uncertainty can be woven together by our wrecked and unstable observations, to become ties that bind us to everything but the truth.


Some things are so ingrained in us, that we constantly feel or see ourselves as struggling. Struggling is for the weak, those that just can't get it together. It's for those that are indecisive, unstable and in religious crowds- those of little faith, perseverance and real love for God. Right? Isn't this what we feel, what we've heard? Isn't it what that little voice inside our mind, tries to convince us of?


Okay. So maybe it's just me, struggling with whom I am and who I appear to be. Maybe I'm the only one that needs to be reminded that who I am is who He says I am and who I appear to be is a jumble of my own self condemnation and what others do or don't think of me.


My silence is shame. Shame that I haven't figured out life and it's jagged edges that corner me. The edges that sting and if pressed hard enough can cause even the toughest of skin to bleed. The subject of the struggle need not be the same, it's the grind to which we all relate.


My withdrawal from putting pen to paper or fingers to my keys was an act of retreat, an attempted to stop a struggle of the mind and the condemnation of the blind leading the blind, so to speak. But how can I show that a light exists in your darkness if I quit bearing witness and only write when the glimpse of light has ushered in a new and glorious morn? What would that speak to you, of the faithfulness of God and His tender mercies that are to follow us all the days of our lives?


Our struggles are not a reflection of our holiness or righteousness before God. God has no scale of judgement that are days are being held up too. Our struggles are an opportunity to deepen our relationship with the Lord, to allow fruit to produce and to allow His strength to be made perfect in our weakness.


2 Corinthians 12:8-10

8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.



He has no expectation of us mastering life all on our own.


Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 145:18
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.


*The implication of a struggle means no resolve has been reached, a fight is still taking place and the outcome is still to be determined, therefore no judgement can be cast. You haven't given up or given in if your still struggling.


There is yet hope......and God has provided for our struggling.


Ephesians 6:10-20

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

...when full days really aren't so full.

The absence of a constantly ringing phone is sign that the season is slowly changing and I shall be able to breathe again.  For a moment I'm taking my thoughts in.  They have escaped me most days and I have feared not finding them again.  The rush of the busyness of life has left its mark and this little bit of quiet leaves me rummaging through the insignificant because somewhere between daily routines and damage control, I've drifted from the things secured within my heart.  "There is no time for this" or "Let it go, it's just not meant to be" or "I have all of these responsibilities", these thoughts may sound logical and reasonable to believe, but what if the things we make these remarks about, are things God is gently whispering in an attempt to call us out?  What if we listened a little closer, gave Him a chance to speak?  

God doesn't prompt what He hasn't provided for.  

May your curiosity be stirred, to give ear to these callings.  May you be quick to hear Him as He speaks.

........these are the words that have just found me, as I sit in the quiet and voice my current feelings, "I feel so empty", the conclusion I've drawn from the aimlessness that has been filling my days.  Sure there is a lot going on and there are things I'm finding pleasure in and yet there is something missing.   

When we ignore our deep desires, we rob ourselves of intimacy with our heavenly Father.  We must remember that time will permit when Jesus is calling. 

* I know it's been a while and this doesn't pick up from where we last left off but hopefully you will allow me to find my way and let things play out as they may.

Bare, not trendy but intentional...

Bare...is the layout of this blog and equally bare have the new entries been, both a direct reflection of my life.  

I'm an artsy, creative girl that knows what she loves and could easily get caught up in making this space reflect that about me, making it more appealing to the eye however time is valuable and most days it slips away with only a vague memory that it has come and gone, as I am a working from home mama of three that has yet to master the scale of balance and how to turn ones mind off to the nagging responsibilities that an office door had to have been created to lock down when closed or so I tell myself.   So it might be a while before this changes and at the moment, this seems fitting.

As for the equally bare entries,  sometimes words are inadequate, sometimes they don't come easy and sometimes the act of putting thoughts, emotions or the tangled mess of life into words is a little to much to bear.

Standing bare before God is where agony meets faith, where the appearance of hopelessness collides with trust, where love drinks of long-suffering and passion and purpose are birthed.  It is where the grieving reconcile what they have lost to lament over what the Kingdom of God has yet gained. It is where I end and it is where I begin.  And the last five years have been just that.

When God speaks a word into your spirit, pray.  Pray that God would give you the wisdom to see it coming and the grace to see it through.  I was pregnant with number three when God spoke a very quizzical word to me. I wrote it down, May 2006, -begin to expect the unexpected.  I remember thinking of Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth and how in faith they each expected the unexpected, a child.  They had made their desires known to God and stood by faith and in faith.

{During this pregnancy} I had to stand by faith and at every turn there was a new trial.  The loss of fellowship within a church body, the loss of income with the addition to the family, hurts and offenses seeking to be entertained but I, I was in my element.  There is a strength that comes with producing life, pushing it from within the deepest parts of your being and there is a fight that births as well, that instincts to go up against anything that dares to encroach upon a mother's young or even just her territory.  I feasted on God's goodness from the eyes of a child and my heart swelled with His gift of love.

This child taught me how to breathe in the breath of God like never before, to drink of His joy and to begin to give thanks in all things.  God in His wisdom, mercy and goodness was building me up, to have a fighting chance against the storms that were coming.


* Little by little this story will unfold from beginning to end, however not in that order, but as it comes to me and as I have a peace about sharing.  It's late and this will go unedited.