Friday, November 19, 2010

The drama of Anna Belle Alivia Grace....

So I am sitting here doing what I do best- reflecting; on the miracle of another precious baby girl.  There are no words adequate enough to describe what each of them have meant to me.  I am overwhelmed with joy and immense gratitude at the honor of holding their hand and their heart in this journey we call life.  I love them more with each passing day. They each represent the beginning of new chapters in my life.

    I would have to say that the beginning of Annie's life was one of the hardest times of mine.  To say that pregnancy disagreed with me, would be an understatement by all means.  The trips in and out of the hospital, the cup or plastic bag that became my vice and went with me everywhere, the 20-25 lbs that I lost instead of starting to gain, and the ability to take care of 2 other children and a home.  I was doing good to get myself out of the bed, bathe and get dressed without collapsing.  It felt as if something had declared war on my body and was determined to settle for nothing less than destroying the life within me and taking me down as well.

    Everyday was a fight, physically and mentally and emotionally.  The fear of losing this child or the disabilities or problems she might have due to my condition was a private battle that I fought in my heart daily.  Nothing the doctor's tried seemed to work.  No, not even the medication for patients undergoing chemo, to treat the intense nausea they deal with.  The doctors termed it as "Morning Sickness from Hell"  otherwise known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  Most cases of this end in hospitalization for the extent of the pregnancy or termination of it.  I wouldn't deem either of these options as being acceptable and so I resolved to create my own.
    Putting on my "big girl panties" had been tried.  "Man-ing up" was not going to get me through it.  Declaring God's word and His promises over my life and the life that He placed inside of me; what did I have to lose?  Some may say I had a lot to lose by trusting in a non existent, man made myth of some sort.  I on the other hand "knew" otherwise.  I knew not to underestimate the power of the the spoken word, especially those of God's promises.  I had experience the power in "declaring" life over someone first hand and will forever be grateful for the wisdom, strength and faith my grandmother had in her declarations over my life.   

    I don't recall being labeled as a strong willed child; stubborn, yes but I like to think of it more as determined.  I was determined enough to declare wholeness and complete health over her life and one declaration built faith for the next.  The principle behind declaring is not that of asking God for something.  It is the realization that His word has already told me that it is mine and I am going after it to lay hold of it.  Does it seem demanding? Yes, but why believe God is capable and not expect him to deliver.  I decided I was through with it all.  No more sickness, no more fear, no room for doubt and unbelief.  Was this easy?  Did it all just disappear?  No.  But I made a conscious choice not to give into any of it and little by little it subsided. (I know that this is not always the case with things in life but there is peace to be had in knowing that I did not prevent something from transpiring because of my lack to fight for it.)

   I began to watch my waistline (and only my waistline) grow as she thrived inside me, always measuring more than was expected.  My excitement rose with each passing month in anticipation of the long days and sleepless nights I would endure for the honor of caring for one of the most precious gifts God was giving to me.   (Call me crazy but ask me to deliver a baby and then care for all their needs for the next year and I will think I have just died and gone to heaven.) My heart was full and overflowing.

On November 19, 2006 it burst and has been overwhelmed ever since.  Almost three weeks early, 8lbs and just over 21 inches with a head full of jet black hair, the cutest little dimples when she makes certain faces, she could not have been any more healthy and whole nor more perfect.