Friday, April 9, 2010

I was standing in the kitchen this morning, putting the girls’ lunches together, reflecting on the chaos of my life. Not just hectic schedules and dealing with everyday issues but the mental and spiritual battles that result from the deep things that we like to hide, cover up or just don’t want, have time or make time to face. You know the ones that most of us keep responding to the same way over and over again but expect different results. I’m learning how to face these things this season of my life. 

Every time I chose to hit them head on, I am surprised by what I find, a sense of peace, a sense of power, and an overwhelming sense of his presence all around. I can hear him say my name, sometimes calling me, encouraging me “One more step, a little closer now, you can do this.” There’s a statement I made to myself recently that I think sums up this place I am at today. “I am not looking to be rescued, I already have a savior.” Basically what I meant by this was, I’m not crying out help get me out of this mess. I am instead acknowledging who he is and what he has already done for me.

So this morning I was talking with the Holy Spirit and he kind of challenged my thinking, my perspective a little. (On a side note, even Microsoft Word knows the importance of the Holy Spirit, shows that it should be capitalized.) Let’s just say that I am being tested from every angle these days. I was encouraging myself with the scriptures that we all know and use at these times. For instance, Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose. A thought popped into my mind or maybe it was whispered in my ear, “Does it always have to be about you?” It wasn’t haughty or judgmental, more like a fleeting thought. But it got my attention. 

 How many times do I choose to praise God because of what his word promises me or because of what “I” will get out of it? How often do I stop and recognize and just acknowledge him for who he is? Praise him for this, nothing more, nothing less, just the very fact that he is God, that he is worthy of all my praise. 

When I do this, I am telling him that my circumstance, my situation, the things that push and pull at me, they are not enough to keep me from him. He “is” all I need, what he has already done is more than enough for me. My love, my faith, my trust, my ability to surrender become limitless when I grasp this understanding, that too often I lose or allow to become overshadowed. My praise becomes selfless, my motives, pure and my heart, light. So what if things don’t go as I’d hoped or don’t change as soon as I would like, He is God and that is more than enough for me.