Bare...is the layout of this blog and equally bare have the new entries been, both a direct reflection of my life.
I'm an artsy, creative girl that knows what she loves and could easily get caught up in making this space reflect that about me, making it more appealing to the eye however time is valuable and most days it slips away with only a vague memory that it has come and gone, as I am a working from home mama of three that has yet to master the scale of balance and how to turn ones mind off to the nagging responsibilities that an office door had to have been created to lock down when closed or so I tell myself. So it might be a while before this changes and at the moment, this seems fitting.
As for the equally bare entries, sometimes words are inadequate, sometimes they don't come easy and sometimes the act of putting thoughts, emotions or the tangled mess of life into words is a little to much to bear.
Standing bare before God is where agony meets faith, where the appearance of hopelessness collides with trust, where love drinks of long-suffering and passion and purpose are birthed. It is where the grieving reconcile what they have lost to lament over what the Kingdom of God has yet gained. It is where I end and it is where I begin. And the last five years have been just that.
When God speaks a word into your spirit, pray. Pray that God would give you the wisdom to see it coming and the grace to see it through. I was pregnant with number three when God spoke a very quizzical word to me. I wrote it down, May 2006, -begin to expect the unexpected. I remember thinking of Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth and how in faith they each expected the unexpected, a child. They had made their desires known to God and stood by faith and in faith.
{During this pregnancy} I had to stand by faith and at every turn there was a new trial. The loss of fellowship within a church body, the loss of income with the addition to the family, hurts and offenses seeking to be entertained but I, I was in my element. There is a strength that comes with producing life, pushing it from within the deepest parts of your being and there is a fight that births as well, that instincts to go up against anything that dares to encroach upon a mother's young or even just her territory. I feasted on God's goodness from the eyes of a child and my heart swelled with His gift of love.
This child taught me how to breathe in the breath of God like never before, to drink of His joy and to begin to give thanks in all things. God in His wisdom, mercy and goodness was building me up, to have a fighting chance against the storms that were coming.
* Little by little this story will unfold from beginning to end, however not in that order, but as it comes to me and as I have a peace about sharing. It's late and this will go unedited.
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