Saturday, October 13, 2012

Hidden truth is worth seeking.....nineteen

A continuation of day 11 of 31 days of reflecting on truth.

Girl nineteen.....She often had to remind herself to just breathe or find things to divert her attention, counting days made for much anxiety and merely would not due for a girl that was trusting.
  But as time began to set in so did a hint of uncertainty; a certain uneasiness.  They wrote and they talked but all she felt was the distance.  It was a strange feeling that she could not put her finger on.

      She had determined that the year would be one of prayer and supplication.  She knew what her heart desired but wondered about God's plan.  She sought to go deeper.  She wanted to know what He had to say about love, marriage, her life and how she was to live it.  She feared that she had made assumptions, invested beyond a feasible return.  She wondered at times what provoked this line of thought.  She hoped and prayed she hadn't spent time chasing desires that God was not in.  She had put all of her heart and her soul into this.
     It wasn't long before she noticed the lines drawn through items on her check list that made for allowances to hold on to him.  She had reasoned with these things.  He was the man of her dreams and they weren't that important.  Besides this was a God thing, she said not sounding so convincing that time.   Why would she feel so at home with his family, getting further intangled in all of them.
     But this feeling just wouldn't go away.  She wanted God's absolute, very best for her life and she wanted that for him also.  She struggled with the words to tell him this, to make him understand that she loved him but that God needed to be at the center of them.  At first he was accepting of this questioning because for him there was no doubt.  But as time went by he listen to voices that questioned her motives and fear soon became the only voice he could hear.  He argued about how ridiculous she had become and how inconsiderate she was being, one day and the next, why was it not enough to know that he loved her.
     This became her first real taste of war.  A battle of her feelings, her desires and what it meant to be obedient and follow the Lord.  She hoped with everything within her that in choosing to follow His leading, the path would lead her back to himAnd so she let go, committed it to God and looked for strength to stand as she removed his precious ring from her hand.  
   During this time, his mother had a relapse with cancer and wasn't fighting it so well.  He came home to visit and sought hard to pursued her.  A few months later, she sat on the front row, by his side at his mother's funeral, trying not to blur the lines or the boundaries she had fought so hard to put into place.  Why, why did this have to be so hard.  Why couldn't her love for him be enough to make a way for their future.  
     And so he left once again but she knew he would be back for good, before long and she would have to continued to fight this because there was still so much confusion.......

Girl be continued.

Day twelve of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series) 

No comments:

Post a Comment