Friday, September 28, 2012

Blood, sweat and tears. What they all have in common....

This gets me, it gets me in the gut, these words I write, that I express, rip me wide open and all at once I am whole and I am broken.  I am at peace and I am at war.  I am tangled, searching and I am undone, staring straight into the son.  How can I love so much what I don't wholly or completely know?  But I do.  And this thing is to be my driving force, my inspiration and my pursuit.

.....I crashed this morning.  Everything within me broke wide open and my one plea was, "God I need you to hold me.".  For weeks now, everything has felt like it was caving in and once again I was trying to handle it.  But what happened this morning, I so desperately needed it.  

My body trembled as anguish poured out like blood leaving the body.  Everything became numb until I felt the warmth of Him wrap like a blanket around me.  I divert the thoughts to condemn myself for waiting so long to call out and instead I choose to just breathe and snuggle deep into the warmth of Him covering me.

I could lie.  I could pretend.  I could hold this all in.  But I will no longer run from my healing...God break this in me.  And maybe in a way my healing could begin your healing too.

Maybe that's really why I write and maybe that's why it can be such a fight sometimes.

There aren't enough lights in this dark and this is why I must fight, why I have been fighting all my life.  One true light does exist.  I have witnessed this over and over; time and time again.  My heartaches to remember this and it aches to know that you know this too.  And in this, my life begins to make sense.

The lines I have walked, the fights I have fought, this life I have choices, my decisions....why obedience has been my life, it's about You and about you.

Yes, you!  You reading this.  You may say no, no I don't even know you.  And maybe personally I don't but I'm almost certain I can identify with your hurt and your feelings, for the things I have experienced have been for that very reason.

True intercession is birthed out of fighting battles that are beyond all your reasoning.  The things we fight that just don't make sense.  Times you've said I thought I was past this only for it to come back again and again.  Wisdom now tells you your tactics have to be different and you determine to fight when all hell screams "Just  quit".  And maybe even God says, you choose your route, but something in you says "no, I have to fight this fight to its death.".  

These moments....they have purpose.  They are moving things in the heavens.  That's why the fight feels so real and presses so hard on you.  Its not only your deliverance you are pursuing.  It's for the lives that your life is touching.   After all all of humanity is interwoven.  That's why we must fight and keep fighting.  That's why when you sweat, you sweat blood.  You don't know this but your sweat, it's covering someone.  So when the time comes, they won't have to sweat as hard as you have because of the battles you've won., after writing, typing and reading this, I don't know what you will make of it however it is a piece of me poured out and the words of a song play softly in my oil upon your feet, like wine for you to drink, like water from my heart, I pour my love on you.  If praise is like perfume, I'll lavish mine on you,  Till every drop is gone, I'll pour my love on you.....

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