tur·moil
noun \ˈtər-ˌmȯi(-ə)l\Definition of TURMOIL
: a state or condition of extreme confusion, agitation, or commotion
Originally written Monday, October 29.
There are tell tale signs but I'm to busy being moved by them, controlled by them, reacting to them to see them for what they really are. The ache that runs the back of my head, the tension entangling the muscles of my neck and stretching the length of my spine, the fluctuation of my voice, the nerves rubbed raw, the mind that refuses to focus and see through the lingering fog, all characteristics of something deep seeded.
Instead I stupidly question, What's wrong with me? Why am I falling apart?
There are things that weigh heavy and overwhelm my soul. I try hard to block them out. I try to keep to a routine but these things they just keep pressing me. And I, I am always reacting. My mouth, my mind, my body. Reacting.
And where does reacting get me? It takes me back to that cliff that I once stood on, leaning a little to far, peering over. That cliff that God clearly told me I was playing to close to the edge. That cliff that leads to a point of no return and ends with an ugly, if not fatal, crashing.
In this world that we live in, everyone is susceptible to turmoil because no one is immune to sin and the condition that sin ushered in.
We walk so blindly, not just tripping into it. We question positive more than we do negative because the negative meets our expectations and yet we're still disappointed with it all.
Only God can break this fall.
Instead I stupidly question, What's wrong with me? Why am I falling apart?
There are things that weigh heavy and overwhelm my soul. I try hard to block them out. I try to keep to a routine but these things they just keep pressing me. And I, I am always reacting. My mouth, my mind, my body. Reacting.
And where does reacting get me? It takes me back to that cliff that I once stood on, leaning a little to far, peering over. That cliff that God clearly told me I was playing to close to the edge. That cliff that leads to a point of no return and ends with an ugly, if not fatal, crashing.
In this world that we live in, everyone is susceptible to turmoil because no one is immune to sin and the condition that sin ushered in.
We walk so blindly, not just tripping into it. We question positive more than we do negative because the negative meets our expectations and yet we're still disappointed with it all.
Only God can break this fall.
Originally written Monday, October 29.
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