Reason enough just to be....

So........I've been about ready to give up on this project and just let things be.  With life and its daily grind and all the fun stuff that comes up to try and turn my world upside down or at least make it more messy and that little voice that says you are three days behind and you will never catch up, you don't stand a chance.....and seriously I could go on and on forever about all that whispers its trifle, sinister comments, casting its two cents whether or not their invited.   

But I am reminded that I did not choose this topic.  

This topic chose me.  

And I did not start this as another task to complete.  I started this as a means to see my way through the dark and perhaps to see His light in me. 

I am realizing more and more that every second is a choice between victory and defeat.  Every moment can be redeemed.  And grace is a key to redeeming victory.  

I have the power to choose and can turn things around in any given moment by accepting God's grace instead of hanging my head in my chosen defeat.

I have been reflecting, this evening, in the quiet of sleeping children and the following words came to me and have provoked me to these lines of thought.

Truth is not a dispute.  It can stand on its own and needs no explanation from man.  Truth is a statement.  It speaks for itself.  Truth came to the earth in the form of Jesus.  And it is known by the fruits of the spirit, the very nature of Him.  There is nothing showy or demanding about it.  It doesn't say, "here, look at me".  It says, "I am because He is and that is reason enough just to be".

And with this my eyes are heavy and more truth contemplating will have to wait for tomorrow.

 Day twenty one of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)  

Truth for today....

I was browsing through my blog roll (all the blogs that I'm following) this morning and God is still working on me and this thing of grace.

This title was staring me in the face,  "How do you know when you’ve done enough?".

We sit around a table at a local restaurant. My friends and I are sharing a dessert sampler {yum!}. The topic of conversation is guilt–but it’s not because of the sugar this time.
Nope, we’re talking about the guilt we feel in our everyday lives. The guilt it seems all women feel at one time or another.
Mine comes in a particular form, with a flavor as distinct as the slice of pie staring up at me from my plate. I tend to feel like what I do is never enough. I tell myself, “I’ll rest when it’s all done.” But it’s never all done.

You can click here to finish reading what Holley Gerth, of (in)courage, had to say about this thing of grace.  Apparently I'm not the only one having trouble getting this.

 Day twenty of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)
    

Truth in lies....a continuation.

 A continuation from day 18 of 31 days of reflecting on truth.

Living with unmet needs has left scars because the wounds were so deep.  Even now my mind does not want to go there because the memories are so draining.  This place hurts.  And this hurting makes me angry.  Then the anger subsides and I'm left weeping.  I can accept a lot of things but that doesn't make it any less painful.

I know God has a way of using things and He has.  For I have learned what it is to persevere, to trust Him and to truly believe that He is faithful.

My mistake was believing that because so many needs had been left unmet, I must not truly need anything but God.  This was a way of coping.  If I didn't truly need them then I could block them out and become numb to them.  And I had been doing this for a period of years only it doesn't work so well.  You can't pick and choose when to feel and not feel.  What to feel and not feel.  It is either all or nothing.  And nothing is a dangerous place, because it destroys all connections to or with anything.

I chose to restore feeling because I needed to feel God in order to experience and continue a relationship with Him, not just to go through the motions out of routine or a condemned spirit.  This is the difference between a head knowledge of God and a heart knowledge.  I needed to feel to connect with my children in order to take better care of them.  I needed to feel if I was going to continue to pursue a relationship with my husband.  I needed to feel in order to be mindful of other people and identify with their needs.  

And this brings me full circle. I have to stop denying that I too have needs.  And that that is not a bad thing.  Everyone has need of something.  I need Him daily.  I need Him to put an end to my striving.  I need Him to whisper it's okay that I'm not living up to my expectations of myself because He wants me to live out of who He is in me.  God, I've got to quit with all this trying and just be.

The truth in lies is this, I am needy.  But being needy is a part of humanity.  It's not a sign of weakness.  It's a sign we were meant to be connected.  Connected to God and those He desires to have a place in our lives.  Our failure to realize and admit this is often times what prevents our deepest needs from being met. 

I need to make room for grace and make her feel invited because she has a way of setting me at ease.

 Day nineteen of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series) 



 

Truth in lies....

There is very little quiet in my life right now.  When you work from home, there is no such thing as leaving it at the office.  Everything that is still undone or piling up, sits at the fore front of my mind and presses hard against my temples.  The laundry still sitting in the washing machine a day old, weighs in with the sink full of dishes.  Them and their mockery.  Report cards come home with bright, capable children only they tell a slightly different story.  And there's more, so, so much more.

I'm not faring any of this well. 

I'm much to hard on myself and it makes me miserable.  

There is so much talk of grace these days and I get it.  Yet there is none for me.  I can't seem to convince myself that I too deserve it.  No, deserve is not the right word.  Or maybe that's what is wrong with my thinking.  It's not a matter of deserve.  It is a gift that God gives.  It operates as such, that when I am not enough, he is more than enough for me.  He covers my shortcomings......God please let this sink in.

And with this thought, I crumble.  Me with all my trying.  I can try and try and give all that I've got and it will never be enough because it was never meant to be.  We were not created to be self sufficient and this is agony.  This is a war that lives inside of me, not knowing how to balance being needy.  For most of my lifetime, needy, has been an ugly word.  One that would like to destroy me.  For me to utter the words "I need" to anyone other than God, is beyond me.  Correction, has been beyond me.

Interruptions are calling even now......but I shall return shortly for there is more purging of this truth in lies..... 

 Day eighteen of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)

 

Just as you are....

For those days that you need to be reminded.

You, with your sharp tongue and your frustrations.

You, with your doubt and niche for despair.

You, with your wounded heart and trust issues.

You, with your high expectations and list of disappointments.

You, with your mind whose thoughts betray who you really are.

You, with your dreams that seem to have been crushed by the enemy's schemes.

You, with your unforgiveness and lack of grace for your self.

There is a place to run to, where yes, you certainly belong.

Where YOU ARE LOVED, just as YOU ARE.

His thoughts define you, He is inside you and He is your reality.

And if you can't run, just say His name and He will come to you.

 Day seventeen of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)

His Word will find you.......

I spend to much time on the computer but it does allow me to work from home.  I spend to much time in my head but most of that is good and makes me who I am.  I am trying to stay on top of this 31 day thing and so far I have written every day just haven't hit publish but tonight I don't think I want to do anything.  Look at this screen, type, think, write or hit publish.  So I thought a few random thoughts would be quick, painless and get this over with, so here goes nothing.


If I have a change of heart and find myself back in front of this screen late tonight, I won't complain.  For now.  It will put me ahead of this thing.  Just don't ask me that when I have to get myself up and three little girls also, or maybe you can ask me just don't ask them.  lol


........This is funny.   Before I started on my random thoughts, something came to me.  The words I wrote yesterday, about how God doesn't look away, brought to surface the words "there is no turning".  And this led me to His word.  I had to laugh at what I found.

James 1:17

17Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow (other translations say there is no shadow of turning).   18In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.    19This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;    20for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.     21Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls.    22But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.     23For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror;     24for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.   25But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.      26If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless.    27Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. 

And of course, I'm crying now.  Does God undo you with His Word?  He does me.  I hear things and I write things and then He brings confirmation like this.  He's alive.  His Word is alive.  Living, breathing in me.  And it is speaking.  Always speaking. Can't you tell, this thrills me just a little? 

Is it living and breathing in you?  Always speaking too?

 Day sixteen of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)

Always truth listening.....

Truth can be found many places and for me it is often revealed to me in music.  I don't listen simply for enjoyment.  I listen for how something moves me, how it personifies my feelings or grabs my attention.  I came across a song today that was not familiar in word but was in spirit.  It had a presence and it spoke in a language that so intrigues me.  It was weighty and holy and its imagery was magnificent however simple it might seem.  The arrangement, the human spirit calling out to deep, the violin solo in the end, it called out to me and I closed my eyes, listened and began typing.....

I looked for a video for the song but one was not to be found and so I typed out the lyrics below and there is a link to the song if you don't have access to one of the numerous internet radio sites (I found it on Spotify).

You dance in the paintings of the blind.
You dwell in the melodies of the mute
You reveal in the suffering of the sick
You rejoice in the fellowship of the poor

Won't you show us how to love
Show us how to love
Show us how to love
To love like you love

Your kingdom come , your will be done
Your kingdom come, your will be done
Your kingdom come, your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven

In me as it is in heaven, in me as it is in heaven

 Nic and Rachael Billman: Shores Reprise on the album The least of these.


 ...........These are the words I typed with closed eyes, listening.

I love the way You see. 
Never closing your eyes; never ignoring.
I love the way You see. 
So  forgiving, never despising.

Doesn't your heart hurt from all that You see, all this ugly, lost and rejected? 
So many pieces, falling, falling down. 
Shattering with an alarming sound.
Yet, You don't look away.

But in the pieces, in the pieces of a broken humanity, you speak of beauty like truth. 
Your eyes turn not for there is so much longing. 
Longing for us, to see, see this beauty of which you speak.

Imperfection is a word that does not exist in your eyes, for all of mankind has been perfected in You.

We are all your handiwork, your creation with our messed up ways of thinking lack is a curse and inability is mockery. 

We curse what we do not understand and we break further still. 

Oh God, I want to break for you not for my ignorance. 
I want to be dressed in your wisdom and truth.  I want to see; see the way I look like you.
All beauty.  All truth.

We see injustice, needing and suffering and we respond with indifference or a prayer of how the world needs God Almighty or something

But the answers lie in what reflects in your eyes.

Me, with a humbled and a contrite spirit offered up, an offering.
Me, poured out for the ugly, lost and rejected.
Me, reflecting; Reflecting you,


What did you hear when you read this?  What did it speak to you?  Oh and a little FYI, there is no wrong answer.  Revelation is unique to you.  God doesn't sound exactly the same to me as He does to you, I'm certain.  There is unity in God's message but we travel different routes to arrive at the bases of the same conclusion.  And it's okay if it didn't speak anything to you because for a moment you were open to listening.  

 Day fifteen of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)