Hidden truth is worth seeking......conclusion

A continuation of day 13 of 31 days of reflecting on truth

Questions aren't meant to bring confusion.  They are indicators that there is an even greater truth that needs your seeking.  Clarity comes from the pressing in.  Hearing the voice of the Spirit.   Being brave to seek it and the hidden out.  We are quick to draw our own conclusions but it takes a surrendered heart to desire more than we have concluded.  Their is strength that is amplified in this process.  Each response is shaping you.  It is writing truth in the logs of your own personal history.  It's a record keeping of how you have grown by your own leaps an bounds as you trusted far beyond the eye could see.

I know where these words are coming from because I know they are far beyond me.  I often look back through my history and am reminded of the pain, disappointment, sorrow, rejection, low self esteem, lack of acceptance, going unseen, insecurity, being so needy, knowing there is a handful of dreams that I'm still seeking and it tugs at me but there is truth, real truth, greater truth surfacing. 

God had His hand on me.  He kept me by the bounds of His love for me.  He allowed me to be exposed to these things but He perfected a faith and a trust that no man could ever take from me.  Oh wow, that line, it brought floods to my eyes and every muscle with in me is contracting.

Hidden truth is worth seeking because it's these truths that are the very heart and the beauty of you.

God help this to set in.  I want to see what You see.  Remove my unbelief.  There is always a flip side to what I see in the natural.  There is a greater scheme of things.  There is a reason, a purpose for everything.


Looking back, is there clarity?  Can you see the flip side of things?  Is there something within you that you've failed to see or give yourself  or God credit for?  I know God worked it in you but it was because of your choosing or allowing.   It is all a part of the process that is refining the beauty of you.


Day fourteen of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)

Hidden truth is worth seeking.......twenty

A continuation of day 12 of 31 days of reflecting on truth.

Girl twenty.......It is impossible to hang on to what is comfortable and trust God.  She had selfishly wanted to hang on to him, to ignore the signs that he wasn't the one.  Her soul had been tied to a tangible solution to all the insecurities in her head.  She had idolized him, his words and his actions.  These things proved to be empty.  He had no idea how to truly love her because he did not have the same understanding of God's love that she was experiencing.  She drew strength from the truth that was being revealed.
      The day came that this could no longer be drug out any further.  He might have been okay with the games he was playing but she had had enough.  She gave him an ultimatum and followed that up with telling him if he backed out of her driveway right then don't ever bother to pull back into it ever again.  He never did.
     And so she continued to search deep.  She fought the lies of rejection again, the voices that whispered she just wasn't enough or he would have really loved her.  During this time, the word of the Lord, came forth.  

......I saw where the Spirit of God was saying daughter, he says you stood in a place of a lot of sacrifices saith God.  And the Lord says daughter, he says even upon your bed at night, he says surly your pillow has known great tears.  And the Lord says daughter, he says, there's been loneliness with in the midst of you.  The Lord says daughter, he says there was even a period of years where you cried out for friendships.  But the Spirit of God says daughter, he says in the midst of that place, he says I didn't keep them from you.  But the Lord says daughter, I kept you.  For the Lord says daughter, he says surely the enemy wanted to make you think that you were an odd one.  But the Lord says daughter I made you a unique one saith God.  And the Lord says daughter, He says I will cause you to even know the things that I have saved saith God, are precious.  The things that I have preserved saith God are glorious.  Even to the things of me...........

God was speaking.  He knew.  He saw.  It mattered.  It all mattered to Him.  And God upheld her and kept her.  She sought what was hidden and He led her to the truth of Him.

Day thirteen of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series) 

Hidden truth is worth seeking.....nineteen

A continuation of day 11 of 31 days of reflecting on truth.

Girl nineteen.....She often had to remind herself to just breathe or find things to divert her attention, counting days made for much anxiety and merely would not due for a girl that was trusting.  But as time began to set in so did a hint of uncertainty; a certain uneasiness.  They wrote and they talked but all she felt was the distance.  It was a strange feeling that she could not put her finger on.
      She had determined that the year would be one of prayer and supplication.  She knew what her heart desired but wondered about God's plan.  She sought to go deeper.  She wanted to know what He had to say about love, marriage, her life and how she was to live it.  She feared that she had made assumptions, invested beyond a feasible return.  She wondered at times what provoked this line of thought.  She hoped and prayed she hadn't spent time chasing desires that God was not in.  She had put all of her heart and her soul into this.
     It wasn't long before she noticed the lines drawn through items on her check list that made for allowances to hold on to him.  She had reasoned with these things.  He was the man of her dreams and they weren't that important.  Besides this was a God thing, she said not sounding so convincing that time.   Why would she feel so at home with his family, getting further intangled in all of them.
     But this feeling just wouldn't go away.  She wanted God's absolute, very best for her life and she wanted that for him also.  She struggled with the words to tell him this, to make him understand that she loved him but that God needed to be at the center of them.  At first he was accepting of this questioning because for him there was no doubt.  But as time went by he listen to voices that questioned her motives and fear soon became the only voice he could hear.  He argued about how ridiculous she had become and how inconsiderate she was being, one day and the next, why was it not enough to know that he loved her.
     This became her first real taste of war.  A battle of her feelings, her desires and what it meant to be obedient and follow the Lord.  She hoped with everything within her that in choosing to follow His leading, the path would lead her back to him.  And so she let go, committed it to God and looked for strength to stand as she removed his precious ring from her hand.  
   During this time, his mother had a relapse with cancer and wasn't fighting it so well.  He came home to visit and sought hard to pursued her.  A few months later, she sat on the front row, by his side at his mother's funeral, trying not to blur the lines or the boundaries she had fought so hard to put into place.  Why, why did this have to be so hard.  Why couldn't her love for him be enough to make a way for their future.  
     And so he left once again but she knew he would be back for good, before long and she would have to continued to fight this because there was still so much confusion.......

Girl twenty......to be continued.

Day twelve of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series) 
      

Hidden truth is worth seeking......eighteen part B

A continuation from day 10 of 31 days of reflecting on truth.

 The world now had an even greater definition.  It had worn grooves in the soles of her feet, eliminated an inch or two from her frame, left samples of its grimy self on every inch of her body and clothing.  It exposed her eyes to the hard and pitiful.  It bathed her soul in the truth of humanity.  The truth that everyone is in need of something.
     She was more committed now to hearing the Holy Spirit and seeking his direction.  She had some choices to make and she wanted to make them with wisdom.  An education or his proposal.  She made a good argument not to rush things, that an education would pay off in the end.  
    She settled into a routine, thanked God for His blessing and began to apply all of the new confidences she found in Him.  She was in awe of the depth of their relationship and how she could trust Him in all things.  She learned to commit even the smallest of things unto Him and He in turn remove the struggle.  If only she had learned this in high school, but better late than never she thought.
    A few months passed and in came his orders.  He was being transferred to Georgia, just a few hours from home.  Was God really answering all of her dreams.  A husband, a home of her own and an education.  What was to stop a wedding now, she questioned.  The phone rang and he had his orders in hand.  It would only be a matter of weeks.  She was beside herself with joy and would be counting the days for she could count on one hand the number of times she had seen him in the last year and a half.
     Less than an hour later, the phone rang again.  They had changed their mind and his final orders.  He would spend the next year in Korea.  
     This was a blow that hit her hard.  She pleaded, Lord how could this be.  Korea for a year without any leave.  This was devastation.  She had been strong, made wise decisions but how was she going to get through this she thought.
     She resolved, God had a reason.  This was an opportunity for God to move in his life and draw him closer to Him.  Yes, this is how she would see it.  So the day came that she packed his bags as she stashed little hand written pieces of herself into all of his pockets, kissed him and promised to hold onto all of their dreams, even though she felt as if she was letting hers go as she said goodbye.

Girl nineteen......to be continued.


Day eleven of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)    
       

Hidden truth is worth seeking.....eighteen

A continuation from day 9 of 31 days of reflecting on truth.

Girl eighteen......She dared to dream.  She fought thru the loneliness of a long distance relationship and said yes once again, this time to a deep calling.  Her sights were set on Africa and God was providing.  She made her way to Miami with expectancy.  Now her dream was too finding wings.  
     She had no words for the things that invaded her heart.  She thought how could she ever leave this place without leaving all of it.  She would never be the same because of the way these people touched her with their love and kindness, their smiles thru pain and hardship, their thankfulness, gratitude out measured their education, their vocabulary, the amount of food on their plates at any given serving, the need for and the lack of electricity and running water.  Their focus was never on their needs but rather on how they might serve you.  
     She was humbled and touched and moved oh so very much.  This Jesus and these people, they were doing the ministering, the teaching and she had so much to learn from them.
     The time came and she must go home and questioned what was she going back to.......


Day ten of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)

Hidden truth is worth seeking....seventeen

A continuation from day 8 of 31 days of reflecting on truth.

Girl seventeen.....She said yes and accepted the ring he offered her.  He was sweet.  He listen to her, even when she talked about Jesus.  He said he loved her and wanted no one else but her by his side.
     He had dreams, lots of them, and plans to go with them of course after his time in the military.  He had it all figured out and this was exactly what she thought she needed.  It appealed to the girl that was lost with no real direction for the future.  It just had to be. 
     She remembered seeing him off and how she collapsed into her daddy's lap and cried like a baby.  This had to be love, this feeling of connection and finally belonging.  She quickly became a part of his family and they, a part of her heart.  She wrote and she prayed and she prayed and she wrote and in a sense she was finding her wings.  The desire to consider and serve someone else, the act of loving began to awaken her heart to some of her dreams that no longer felt so out of reach.

Girl eighteen......to be continued.

Day nine of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)

Hidden truth is worth seeking....

Girl sixteen.......loneliness chased her until she retreated to a room where she found comfort, with its white walls and lavender trim, a creamy white daybed placed intentionally in front of a wide picture window.  The moon and the stars were her friend along with the fiery pink azaleas that grew just outside that window.  The fragrance of Georgia pines dripping with dew in the morning, floated softly in threw the crack she left open the nights before.
     Thoughts, feelings were kept locked up inside until she was safe within those four walls, where Jesus waited for her to listen to it all.  It was there that she learned how to sit at His feet and empty herself out.  She didn't really want to die, she just wanted things to be different.  She didn't want to be the outsider looking in anymore.  
     There was nothing special about her, nothing she was really good at, nothing to make her stand out and fit in, so she thought.  She had no dreams, no plans for the future that were within her reach, she believed.  She loved God.  She loved people.  Just one look at her room or the sound of her stereo would easily clue you into this.  She would continue loving God and finding ways to serve His people and would just see where that got her.

Girl seventeen......to be continued. 

Day eight of 31 Days Reflecting on truth (click here for this series)