Yielding......

All that is dark. gray. lifeless. fading away.
Signs of  winter, oh has the season changed.
My heart grows faint.
But my eyes see beauty still.
I am reminded, that even in death, life remains.

The grass withers.
Flowers fade.
Each falls to its grave.
But there is life in this ground.

The earth never stops producing.
It lies in wait.
Considers its timing.
It looks ahead with hope.
It trusts in what will soon be unearthed.

It is expectant.
It knows the joys it will soon hold.

This is where I long to be like this earth.
Understanding my potential to produce.
Trusting of what God has planted.
Content in the waiting.
With vision for what is coming.

Life truly does begin and end with yielding.

Even in my wanderings....

There are those days that I have to say to myself, "Don't quit."

"You can not quit."

"You've come to far to give up now." 

Days that are hard and ugly and gray. 

Days that my heart just wants to give way. 

Days that I just do not understand. 

But....

I'm a lover.....

Sitting just above the rocks that mark the oceans floor, now that the tide has found its way back here, listening to the crash of each wave and its retreating. Is the earth moved by this constant pounding?  The moon is low and hidden behind a veil of white.  I taste of salt as I inhale.  I resist the urge to hold my breath, fearing I might lose far more than air if I exhale. I'm desperate for this thing I'm breathing.  I don't want it to pass from me.  There is a sense of drowning as this scene washes over me.  I have beheld beauty and He captivates me....

This moment....

I'm planning for today to be a day of writing.  Lots and lots of writing.  Writing has always been a way for me to work things out or work through them.  I write for clarity, wisdom and to remember where I have been and where I am going.  I write in hopes that the Holy Spirit continue to move through me, speak to and through me while overwhelming me with His peace that brings rest. 
 
I smile even now as it seems I have invited Him to join me.  I marvel at this melting away, this weightlessness that comes from our exchange.  I have to pause and just sit in it for a moment.  His goodness is more than deserving of my praise.  

Maybe you can feel a little bit of this even now.  Please do join me.  No reason for the three of us to be strangers, besides He already knows your name and He's been keeping your seat warm, while waiting for this day.

I set out with a few ideas of things I would like to share but I sense that this is changing and I'm supposing that there is something else He is wanting you to hear.  

Can I ask you, Is God's presence welcome right there where you are sitting?  Is it welcome right there in that thing that sits guarded behind your ribs, beating within your chest? 

 I do hope so.   I hope it is wide open to Him and all that He has for you.  But if it's not, let me just ask that you stop for a moment and consider how you picture the love of a father and what it ought to look like.  You have all this and more in this Jesus.  And today He is calling your name, waiting to wrap His loving arms around you.  To whisper nothing but truth of all the ways in which He has loved you.  

There is nothing God wants more from you than a moment of your time and attention!  He wants you.  Cause no one else can love Him back quite like you can or do!


I want to leave you with this song, for the moment.  Don't take my word for this, listen as He speaks to you.

 

The blind follow a lead......

Whenever reading some one's writing, I'm always curious to know on what authority do they speak.  I always say to myself I'm an open book.  But how comfortable am I really with this thing of exposing?  


I know what it is you want.  Will you trust me?  This is God, speaking of the desires of my heart.  And yet again it's the question of the trusting.  Is there something I'm missing?  Have I ever not really trusted you Lord?  

......So you're really going to go there?  I could always pretend not to hear you. .......and so it's time for a little more up rooting? 

But God, how?  I'm blind.  I do not see.  Please , please show me.  I'm not afraid of what it might look like nor where it might lead.  I'm afraid of stumbling, second guessing, my old insecurities.  -This is me, trying to sound brave as if I know where He is leading me. 

-So I offer a few words of truth, not to far from the surface, cause this is where we live, where we are protected.  So we would like to think.

This identity of uncertainty.  Who you say I am and my capabilities versus the smallness and weakness of me. 

-But there is an echo in my ear.  And it's my voice.  These are words I have never spoken, audibly.

"There is no reason for you to love me.  You should just ignore me like everyone else has.  There is nothing special about me."

-This is the bitter pill I have swallowed time and time again, so willingly.  But hearing it cuts me through and through.  God, it sounds as if I'm mocking you.  Is this what it is to grieve the heart of God?  Yes, I have grieved you.  I have mocked and cursed and devalued your creation.

Me, with my grandeur and self righteousness....  

You really meant to go deep.

None the less this has been my addiction.  This thing I hide from the light, that hoovers always in the far corners of my mind.  A numbing belief that you could not possible have any use for  me.  Which I have disguised as a defense mechanism; shielding myself from further disappointment.  It's easier to believe that I am nothing than it is to get my hopes up and be further disappointed.

No, no I do not trust you with matters of the heart.  Why should I trust you with my desires?  I've spent my life following your lead and I am no closer to what I want and where I want to be.  I hear this lashed out. 

-No, wait a minute this could not be me.  This is not how I truly feel.  This is one lie I will not feed.  The rest is true.  But God I love you.  And I will never regret following your lead. 

And then came a whisper, "Be careful of the things you allow your mind to entertain.  Like any guest, welcome, they will eventually grow hungry."

How did things get so misconstrued? 

Disappointments.  Yes.  
A lack of understanding.  Yes.  
But doubting you?  
  
This is about me.  This is about letting go, isn't it?  Letting go of the lies and the feelings.  And the sick comfort in the believing.  Always longing for an explanation to bring healing or a promise things are changing.

I have not wholeheartedly accepted your acceptance of me.  Simply because I have not accept me.  My acceptance of my self has been based on the frailty of how others receive me.

And the measure of your great love can only be comprehensible when I stop looking at the me I perceive to see through the eyes of those whose actions mislead me.  

Replace my conditional with your unconditionality!  

Forgive me.   

God I trust you even if trusting asks me to go deep.  To expose what you are exposing in me.  

What lies are you believing, that are not comforting but you have grown comfortable with, that are keeping you from stepping into all that God has for you?

I need Grace, not a road map....

Today is one of those days that I must see and I must know more of His Grace.

I think of those times when I'm driving and I need the use of my rear view mirrors, only to find that some one has gone and messed with them.  My line of vision is now askew.  I can't see clearly to reverse, change lanes or exit when I need to.   

Sometimes you do need to look back to see where you have been, just to get your bearings again.  All of this becomes impossible because you can't take your eyes off of what is in front of you, to turn around and look back and you can't just stop dead in your tracks.  

You must make a few minor adjustments.  

Grace is the adjustment I need.  I need it to clearly reflect the terrain that lies behind me and navigate me past the dangers that lie beside me.  

Grace is the ability to see the where and accept the how of God's workings, when the whys just keep formulating.

Grace is what opens my eyes to God's Sovereignty.   If I can see and know His grace, then I can accept that He is sovereign.


Isaiah 40:26

 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Jeremiah 51:15
It is He who made the earth by His power, Who established the world by His wisdom, And by His understanding He stretched out the heavens. 

Psalm 103:15-19 

 As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 16 When the wind has passed over it, it is no more; And its place acknowledges it no longer. 17 But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, 18 To those who keep His covenant, And who remember His precepts to do them. 19 The LORD has established His throne in the heavens; And His sovereignty rules over all.

Your lament, what it is producing.....

Lamentations 1:2

² Each night, bitter tears
    flood her cheeks.
None of her former lovers
    are there to offer comfort;
her friends^[a] have betrayed her
    and are now her enemies.

 This too shall past. 

 It is but a season, preparation for the soil. 

God searches the soil, seeking to remove all that is hard; abrasive, all that might hinder its tilling.  

He says it time to plant.  

Will you accept His seed?

Whatever God plants succeeds, flourishes and multiplies.  He tends to His garden, provides sustenance to bring it to life.  

He labors long, removing that which creeps in set to destroy what he has declared "Beautiful".

Psalm 126:5-6 

⁵ They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing.

⁶ He who goes forth bearing seed and weeping shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

 This is another of His promises.  

Rich.  Bursting forth in shades of precious jewels.  Tis sweet how God colors our world.

And it only gets sweeter!